Reinventing Rituals: Memorializing our Soldiers and Loved Ones

When we think about rituals, we often think about traditions that have been handed down over generations. However, this isn’t entirely true. All rituals were at some point brand-new and have caught on because they have brought meaning into the lives of those looking for a concrete way to mark the passage of time or an event in their lives.

There are common rituals in Judaism that we observe at lifecycle moments such as a bris (welcoming a male baby into the Jewish covenant), bar mitzvah (entering Jewish adulthood), wedding, and death. And then there are ceremonies that have developed over time. Many liberal movements began to incorporate similar ceremonies for women such as a brit bat (Hebrew naming ceremony) or a bat mitzvah. More recently, we’ve begun to see ceremonies which mark different challenges in our lives such as healing services or prayers for a new home.

As our religion evolves with our society we can question where there are moments in our lives that we can turn to ritual to find comfort in an occasion where we mourn or celebrate. Was there ever a moment in your life that you wished you knew what to do to either reflect or pray for what was happening? Those are times when a ritual may have been helpful. Rituals can act as something tangible to hold onto, like ritual objects, or serve as a way to come together around communal prayer in order to bring peace and significance to a certain moment.

As part of a new series on the Pursue blog, I will be examining the reinvention of rituals in our lives. How do we as young Jews either embrace traditions and/or start our own? Whether buying a new car, shifting into a new job, hearing of a natural disaster or experiencing a miscarriage, there are moments in our lives where we may not know where to turn and how to pray. For these times we can create meaningful rituals for ourselves which incorporate our own practices of Judaism with the reinvention of rituals.

Ritual #1: In honor of Memorial Day let’s examine how we honor and memorialize those we have lost in our lives, both the known members of our own communities and the unknown members of our global community. Judaism has several rituals when it comes to honoring the dead. We may choose to name a new child after those we have lost, or purchase a book plate, plaque, or seat in a synagogue we belong to. Those are all tangible items through which we can show our appreciation and memory for the lost individual in our lives. For an ongoing ritual, many people observe a Yartzeit or annual anniversary of the death by lighting a memorial candle and saying Kaddish in synagogue to show that we continue to be in mourning regardless of how much time has passed since our loss.

Memorial Day is often regarded as the start of summer rather than a meaningful national holiday. On a day where we rejoice in the extra day off from school or work and bask in the outdoors and at barbecues, how do we reflect on all of those who gave their lives for our country? How do we “memorialize” them? Both personally and communally we have losses in our lives that are greater than we realize and greater than the rituals we currently maintain for them.

I often find the easiest way to reinvent a ritual is to break it down first in order to discover what it is I’m marking. This way the ritual I create can be most meaningful to me for the particular occasion I’m observing. On a personal level, this July I will lead the graveside service for my uncle’s unveiling (one year Yartzeit) and will have to discover what it is that is meaningful to say for my particular family. On a communal level, this week I will reflect on the lives lost by American soldiers engaged in wars overseas and what I pray for their future.

Rabbi Ellen Lippmann of Kolot Chayeinu/Voices of Our Lives in Brooklyn led a workshop for CBST’s (Congregation Beit Simchat Torah) Transforming Beitecha Conference last month in which we discussed developing Jewish rituals. She taught the group a good technique to use to determine if rituals still apply to the needs of today’s Jews. You can use a formula to ask questions of what the ritual is about and then determine who it is for and who is being left out. This way when you look to re-invent a ritual you will have a clearer understanding of the initial goals.

Let’s break down Yartzeit and its meaning in our lives (you can do this for yourself with whatever ritual you want to break down):

Case #1
Yartzeit is defined as: annual memorial for loss of a loved one
Who: the mourner observes a day of memory for the deceased
What: a symbolic candle is lit
Where: at home or in synagogue Kaddish is recited three times
When: on the Hebrew date of death annually
Why: to remember a loved one
How: alone or communally candle is lit and prayers are said

Then take a moment to decide what your personal goal in observing a ritual may be, since this may decide how you observe the ritual. When I observe Yartzeits in my life I like to spend the day remembering what that person brought into my life and the positive memories that I still have of them. I also like to have tangible objects like pictures or clothing that remind me of them close by so I can find comfort in their continued presence in my life.

Does Memorial Day have a Jewish connection in your life? Why do we celebrate Memorial Day? What are rituals we can create to better understand our link as Jews and as Americans to this historic day of honor and memory?

This Memorial Day I invite you as American Jews to think about how those within your own community have honored our country. Maybe your father, grandfather, great-grandfather served in either World War II, Vietnam, or the Korean War. Maybe you know someone who is serving now, a friend or peer. What does this connection to people who fight for America mean to you? Whether they are close to you or not, whether you believe in our current wars or not, what does it mean to have people give their lives for your safety? And how do you show your appreciation and honor those who put their lives at risk by protecting and acting for a more just world? This year I will reach out to my peers who I know have served and express my gratitude as I continue to pray for peace. For me, ritual is finding meaning in and expressing my gratitude for the things I have and the people in my life. Other goals may be to read about or share stories with those who have fought as American soldiers or to attend an event that honors the men and women who fight today.

What actions will you take? And how will you remember those whom you personally have lost and whom our country has lost this year?

You can find this series on "Reinventing Rituals" cross-posted at Pursue: http://www.pursueaction.org/rituals-renewed-memorializing/

What it means to Leave a Legacy: Emor (Leviticus 21:1-24:23)

In our lives:

This past week we have seen a “modern” example of sacrifice upon hearing the news of American troops killing Osama Bin Laden. All week I reflected on what Osama’s life meant and the legacy he would be remembered by. Reading countless news articles caused me to question, was Osama happy? And, although the US spent a decade hunting him, did our country do the right thing by killing him? These are not easy questions, and there may not be easy answers.

What Osama has in common with every other living person is the search for meaning in his life. This Shabbat I read Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book “When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough: The Search for a Life That Matters.” Kushner speaks of those who search for personal success as often finding themselves lonely. Osama was certainly successful in accomplishing his goals, but did this render him happy? I find myself feeling empathetic towards a man who couldn’t see past his own hatred and caused one of the most tragic events in US history. Kushner says of infamous biblical character Cain’s selfishness, “ He becomes a wanderer on the face of the earth, with no place to call home, with no community to support or comfort him. The original looking-out-for-number-one man, like all of his descendants, is condemned to spend all of his days unconnected.” (p.63) I can only imagine life for Osama this past decade was isolating, as he became the world’s most hated man due to his terrorizing actions.

Reflecting:

Conversely, I turn to history in search of what leaving a positive legacy might look like. This month is Jewish American Heritage Month. In order to honor the women who have been influential in Jewish History the Jewish Women’s Archive has created an encyclopedia of Jewish Women. As part of a larger education initiative, JWA has invited influential Jewish Tweeters to promote knowledge, and share what they learn about these women through twitter and other social media. When I read about the lives these women have touched and the work they have accomplished it makes me proud to have these leaders in the Jewish community. It shows me as a society how far we have come in our recognition of Jewish Women’s influence in our culture, and celebrating their accomplishments in their own fields. It appears to me that these women achieved both success and happiness by following their passions as Kushner suggests is the answer to finding the life that matters. See what’s being said on twitter: #jwapedia.

This week the torah says....

I turn to Parshat Emor to provide insight for what it means to leave a legacy as it speaks about both sacrifice, and honoring the dead. The torah talks about whom we honor and how we do so. Priests or Kohanim are particularly guarded from being in the presence of death as they are seen as holier than others. This is a continuation of Parshat Kedoshim in a series of explanations of what Jews do to maintain holiness and how we honor G-d.

We learn about retribution for blasphemy, and for murder. “ if anyone kills any human being, that person shall be put to death. One who kills a best shall make restitution for it: life for life. if anyone maims another (person): what was done shall be done in return—fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth. [….] but one who kills a human being shall be put to death. You shall have one standard for stranger and citizen alike: for I adonai am you G-d.” (Leviticus 24:17-22). Parshat Emor helps me come to terms with how to maintain holiness in our society may still be by having to eliminate those who have caused undue harm upon the innocent. I hope America regains it’s sense of justice in Osama’s death. However, even more importantly I hope that we continue to celebrate those who do achieve great accomplishments in their lives to further our society and our Jewish culture. Let us rejoice in a world where women are recognized for their contributions and where we are thankful for the gifts that we do have and let us not waste any more time on what seemed to be a necessary sacrifice for our country’s safety.

The Modern Haggadah Part 2: New Voices and the Reactionary

This year I tried something new at my family’s Seder. We used a new Haggadah! After researching various Haggadot, I picked: The Wandering is Over Haggadah: Including Women’s Voices, created by www.Jewishboston.com, and the Jewish Women’s Archive in Brookline, MA. These two organizations represent my liberal Jewish values, and the voices of various Jews, including Jewish women. I thought talking about women’s rights’ as part of our annual reflection on liberation would be a good first choice for my family due to the many strong women and emphasis on education our family has.

While I did not expect it to be a smooth transition, I was shocked by the backlash I received. The argument against a newly introduced Haggadah was that I had re-written Jewish history, and that Judaism is about tradition, the story of the past, and not the current political struggles we face. It caused me to question how we successfully enact change. If things are to remain stagnant in our history and we are simply to retell the past what purpose does that serve? What are we learning, discussing, and how are we using our history to create change? I recognize that change is slow, but to me learning about our Jewish past ensures that we as Jews have empathy for others current need for liberation.

One of the most common phrases repeated in torah is “For you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” We learn as Jews not to oppress the stranger. That phrase from the Torah is Jewish tradition, and a value that we are told to pass on, it is a piece of our history. Do we recognize the strangers in our current society? Are we able to understand their need for liberation and how we as Jews can ensure that they are not oppressed since we faced a similar fate in Egypt?

I learned that storytelling is only a powerful tool if we are highlighting all our voices. This new Haggadah never once changed the rituals, and history of the story that my family was used to, instead it added the narrative of women in both biblical times and liberation that is more recent. Aren’t the stories of the women who were present also needed to get the full picture of our Jewish history? Just because past Haggadot may have been written in a different time, where men dictated the story, does not mean we still live in that world today. As we make ripples towards change, we need to make sure our goals for equity are synonymous with our actions.

We have the ability to highlight voices that were a part of the Passover story such as Shifra, Puah, and Miriam who saved Jewish babies from being killed in the Nile. Their actions helped lead the Jews towards liberation! I refuse to stand by hearing the history of my ancestors and learn nothing from it except a heart-warming story of our freedom. The story in the Haggadah teaches me to fight for others’ liberation and justice. It teaches me to discuss reforming policies in our country and to help the stranger around the world. I struggle with how to create change with the reactionary’s aversion to new ideas.

If you did one thing this year at your Seder, I hope it was prompting discussion on current needs for liberation. Change happens slowly but when we tell our story of liberation we do so to challenge ourselves and others, to remember our own liberation, and why it is important to feel as if we were personally slaves in Egypt. By remembering our enslavement, we “recall” what history has taught us, and what it feels like to be the other. When we tell the story of liberation, we strengthen our need to not stand idly by in others’ struggles towards freedom.

Further reading:
Nytimes article: Put yourself in the story of Passover
Nytimes article: An Oyster on the Seder plate
JWA: Jewish Women's voices in the seder

The Modern Haggadah: re-telling the Passover story

By: Elyssa Cohen, Tacklingtorah and originally posted at Pursue: Action for a just world. (I'm starting to write with Pursue, so be sure to share and comment on my posts!)

This year, how do we incorporate current abuses of civilian rights with our Jewish ancestors’ fight for freedom?

With Passover quickly approaching it’s a good time to stop and reflect on the power of storytelling. Our stories have the ability to create change. What is the story that your family tells on Passover? Has the same Haggadah been used annually since you were in utero?

Now’s the time to change! Many Jewish organizations are taking time to consider re-telling the story of Passover as a social change agent for current struggles of freedom. Evaluating the story of Passover gives us the opportunity to reflect, and share a story of an oppressed people in the vein of both remembering and not allowing history to repeat itself. What is the narrative of those who are currently oppressed?

Who has the ability to share their story, and who’s listening?

As young Jews acting for social change are we at liberty to speak of a narrative that may not be our own?

Isn’t Passover the best opportunity we have to share with a large number of people the causes we care about? I hope this year you are able to step up and create awareness within your family about those who are fighting for their freedom today. Create your own modern Haggadah, and tell the new story of freedom. We know that personal stories have the ability to garner a certain amount of empathy for people to connect with strangers, but I don’t anticipate everyone going out and writing their own Haggadah about Libyan families. The good news is you don’t have to write your own Haggadah from scratch, but you can make it personal to account for the social justice work that you do! Choose this year to talk about the fight within the LGBT community for marriage rights and transgender equality, healthcare equality, civil rights in Egypt, Libya, freedom from world hunger, the Japanese struggle as they repair from natural disaster devastation, to name a few.

While the original freedom story remains stagnant, our world around us changes and we as the next generation of Jewish leaders have to bring those around us towards liberation.

The new way to celebrate Passover is by creating your own Haggadot, so go ahead get rid of the Maxwell house Passover Haggadahs and treat yourself to freedom for the future!

It’s a Do-It-Yourself narrative this year. Over the next week, Pursue will share reflections on current issues of liberation, and ideas for additions to your Passover seder.

In the meantime, here are some resources for your own modern Haggadot. I challenge you to inspire your family with new traditions:

Compiling your own meaningful texts

Incorporating multi-media into your Seder

The Wandering is Over Haggadah, from ‘Jewish Boston’

Elyssa Cohen has been involved in social justice work since high school, when she founded a chapter of the ADL’s education program “A World Of Difference” at her public school. Elyssa has always valued a strong sense of community, and has been involved in a variety of different organizations whose mission reflects this goal. Elyssa was a Jewish Organizing Initiative fellow in Boston and worked as the Community Organizer of Keshet, an organization working for the full inclusion of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender individuals within the Jewish Community. Elyssa is happy to have moved back to NY and to have joined the staff at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah in the West Village. Elyssa is in the constant pursuit of justice! Check out more of Elyssa’s Jewish social justice writing at www.tacklingtorah.blogspot.com.

Struggling with Silence-- Sh'mini (Leviticus 9:1-11:47)

In our lives:
Sometimes we are hit close to home by sudden tragedies in our lives. Whether hearing of a sudden illness or a tragic death often we are left searching for answers to questions that are unexplainable. Tragedy is hard to comprehend, and sometime we simply do not have answers. We struggle with finding words to try to comfort the mourner. And truthfully there is nothing we can say to make the pain of such losses disappear. Think of a time when you learned of tragic news in your own life or in the life of someone you are close with. How did you react? Were you even able to respond?

Reflecting:
I recently learned of a college classmate of mine who was tragically killed along with her husband and mother-in-law this past summer in a head on collision. Their 4-month-old daughter survived the crash. This young woman was bright, and always bubbly. Right after college, she became a wife, and then a new mother. She was a beautiful soul on the inside and out. As I reflect on her death, it is hard to comprehend both because of how untimely it is, and because of her inherently good nature.

One of the reasons religion appeals to people is because sometimes as we search for answers we draw on stories found in religion for the ability to explain the unexplainable. While they may not offer explanations, these stories can show us examples of circumstances where we can learn about ourselves through understanding the struggles of our ancestors. We may seek these stories to provide cultural/ spiritual guidance for how to live a fulfilling life. The stories of Torah can provide a feeling of being linked to a larger past and current community as people look for a shared experience.

I learned a great deal from my friend Nabilah at Brandeis. She was a practicing Muslim, and her family was originally from Bangladesh. As a student, I know that she sometimes struggled with people’s perceptions of her nationality and religion. We talked about both cultural and religious similarities and differences between American-Jews, and Muslim-Americans.

Nabilah writes in her blog, “What's more interesting is that God has asked us to interpret the Qur’an on our own to be able to guide our own lives. I mean how much more leeway can you get from a religion than that?” Nabilah Khan, (July 11, 2007)

Nabilah searched for answers by seeking her own interpretations of the Qur’an. This week I turn to torah portion, Sh’mini to seek answers for myself to explain the loss of a beautiful, questioning soul.

From the source:
Sh’mini teaches of the power and ability of G-d for both good and evil. We see G-d instantly take the lives of Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu because they disobeyed him. Moses struggles with how to comfort his brother Aaron. These two deaths act as a lesson for the Jewish people to practice the laws set upon them by G-d. While Moses does not understand the extreme action that G-d took in taking these young lives he finds it challenging to elicit a response both as a leader and a brother in order to help Aaron. Aaron has no response for Moses's comforting words, as the text says, vayidom Aharon (and Aaron was silent).

In Judaism we use ritual practices to provide comfort to the bereaved. The hardest thing is to continue living after experiencing the sudden death of a loved one. The mourner is lost not knowing where to turn, what to say, how to act, and how to continue going about our daily lives. In Judaism, it is customary to sit Shiva for seven days of mourning after a death. Shiva is communal, and the mourners are cared for by their community. It is also customary to sit in silence until the mourner talks. This is because we cannot possibly offer any words that would explain the loss or pain one feels in mourning. Silence is the only sense we can make of tragic events. Sometimes there are no words of explanation, just a continual search for meaning. As we see in Sh’mini Aaron’s silence is profound. This reaction teaches us that silence is an appropriate response for traumatic events which we cannot find answers for. Our shock and silence speaks louder than words ever could.

Further reading: "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." By Rabbi Harold Kushner

Vayikra and Tzav: The search for righteousness through sacrifice.

In Our Lives:
Sacrifice. What does the word even mean? In today’s definition, is a sacrifice more similar to a compromise or a selfless act of justice? What do we ‘sacrifice’ these days? We may find giving up our most valuable possessions of our time, food, money, goals, or our own needs may feel sacrificial. If this is the case, are sacrifices even quantifiable?

When it comes to self-sacrifice there are those who keep everything to themselves and look out for only his/her self. Then there are those who are too giving to the extreme that they forget even their own needs. Both for the self-centric and the extreme giver, I often think we need guidelines for how to maintain a healthy balance of the sacrifices we each make in our lives in order to maintain a caring community and larger global society while still fulfilling our own needs.

Reflecting:
When learning a Jewish practice called Mussar I engaged with rituals/ mitzvot (teachings) such as patience, and equanimity. The main idea was that each of us has an inclination towards good and an inclination towards evil or yetzer hatov, and yetzer hara. By engaging with this Jewish social justice practice of Mussar, one could balance between the two inclinations. This was done by asking yourself the question; ‘how am I serving the other?’ This question allowed me to consider the struggle of the other and to self-evaluate my reactions by accounting for how the other may or may not feel cared for in the situation. What is the other person’s burden? Just in asking yourself this questions requires a more sympathetic approach, and the ability to best serve the other.

From the source:
As we turn to a new book of Moses, Leviticus, we learn from the past two weeks torah portions (Vayikra, and Tzav) the value of sacrifice in biblical times. I dare to say the language surrounding the meaning of a sacrifice has changed quite a bit from what it is today. The torah shows the ways in which Jews became closer to G-d through the acts of these animal offerings. Today, instead of object sacrifices, we may offer our evil inclination as sacrifice. We may sacrifice this innate selfish or evil impulse in the hope of achieving either connection with G-d, our people, or in a broader sense in our goals of achieving global justice. A commentator on Vayikra states, “Those individuals who perform a single mitzvah draw themselves and the entire world toward righteousness.” Another commentator citing, “ When we want to draw close (l’hitkarev) to G-d, we must offer something of our own, that is, our ‘evil inclination.’” [1]

May we each continue to sacrifice for others in our lives in the hope that our actions will bring us closer to a more just, and righteous world.

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[1] Comments this week come from The Torah A Women’s Commentary edited by: Tamara Cohn Eskenazi and Andrea L. Weiss (pg. 588)

P'Kudei (Exodus 38:21- 40:38) -- Relationships: who will you ask to join the fight?

In our lives:
Have you ever thought about how your life revolves around a series of relationships that are in constant flux? A “relationship” is such a vague term. Some of us have easily 20, 50, hundreds, or maybe even thousands of relationships. A “relationship” is defined as the relation/ association between two or more people which may be either fleeting or enduring. Relationships can be professional, personal, intimate, interpersonal, or theoretical. In other words, you have some sort of relationship with every person, organization, and to everything that you encounter.

Reflecting:
Recognizing an abundance of relationships in our lives is easy. More importantly, how are our relationships cultivated and applied? The Jewish Organizing Initiative taught me the true power of relationships. I went from viewing the word “relationship” as exclusively applicable to dating, to a world in which I view my entire existence as it relates to my “relationships” with other people, organizations, communities, and things.

The Jewish Organizing Initiative helped me learn how to tell my own story, how to have a one-to-one (an intentional conversation), how to evaluate my own and other’s self interests, and many more skills which strengthen relationships. Organizing skills allows every conversation I have to be both strategic and fruitful. I spent the year building on, putting into practice, and creating a vocabulary for skills that create change among individual people, and entire communities. It is amazing the collective power that relationships can create. Think about those you choose to help, or what organizations you choose to donate your money to. If someone you have a good relationship with asks you to prioritize their particular cause, and it is in line with your own self-interests then most likely you will do whatever you can to help!

JOI taught me not only how to listen, and identify the challenge, but how to research, connect and apply solutions to systemic problems. These skills all came back to thinking critically and strategically about my relationships. Think about this… two people who share a similar problem may not be able to find a solution, but by sharing their problem with others, and by cultivating relationships, you may find that 200 people share the same problem. Now, you have built power through relationships, and have a need for systemic change. A community organizer may help to orchestrate relationship building among communities. The organizer may enlist the community to start a research campaign, and develop a solution where the community can hold those in power (i.e. government) accountable to the proposed solution. The collective people may ask that action be taken in a public forum. And that is powerful! Change like this could not be achieved without the power of relationships. Never underestimate the power of people and the ways in which individual relationships can build that power. So, share your story and think about who you know and how you can help each other make a difference!

From the source:
Last week in parshat P’Kudei we see a glimpse into the relationship between G-d and Moses. G-d trusts Moses with leading the Israelite people, and Moses in turn trusts G-d’s power. Throughout the book of Exodus, we have seen strengths and weaknesses in the relationship between G-d and Moses, and Moses and the Israelite people. But, as we complete the construction of the tabernacle, we see how the power of relationships has affected Moses, G-d, and the Isaelite people. They have learned from their mistakes and have begun to work together. They have proven to one another their ability to do great work,

“ Just as G-d had commanded Moses, so the Israelites had done all the work. And when Moses saw that they had performed all the tasks—as G-d had commanded, so they had done—Moses blessed them.” (Exodus 39: 42-3)

These relationships rely on one another to achieve their common goals of holiness. They want to be able to feel G-d’s presence in a collected space (the tabernacle). In order to feel G-d’s presence the Israelites must abide put faith and trust into their leaders, and rely on one another to collectively build a holy site. Just as Moses uses community organizing by working through his relationships we too can help strengthen our campaigns when we collectively use our relationships to create united power.

The take-away:
How are you using your relationships to organize power, and create change? Are you constantly thinking about how to strengthen your relationships? Are you looking for ways to create change, and do you ask those around you to help you do so? No? Take the time now to figure out what it is you will fight for! And who will you ask to join the movement? Want to learn these skills?? JOI is now accepting applications from passionate Jews looking to fight for change! www.jewishorganizing.org